Okay ladies in one of the many discussions I have with my sister the embarrassment of escaping gas, and no, I am not talking about an automobile gas leak (wink, wink). I have found that as I get older I will just unwittingly let out gas. It isn’t that I know that the gas is there, and I am just rude; it is that it will rear its noisy head whenever without my knowledge of its presents in the first place. How horrible is this?
I was telling my sister my concerns because, and forgive me my dear customers for this upcoming confession, I will be talking at work and oops what just happened?! I will probably talk a little louder than usual, or I’ll erupt in a blowout laugh in order to cover up, and the hopes of pretending that it didn’t happen. I don’t say excuse me because what if they never heard it, and I’m confessing an embarrassing moment when in actuality no one may even have heard it. Now, they are never silent, and I may be deluding myself , but I believe that they have no aroma.
So anyway I’m talking to my sister about my quandry as to what I should do: excuse myself or pretend it didn’t happen when she relays this next story to me. Now let me make it clear that my sister does not want me to write what I’m about to so I will change her name to protect her identity. I will refer to my sister as Skywalker (a wink goes to my sister). So I tell Skywalker this and she tells me that she has the same problem. She was walking in Memory Grove, a great park located in downtown Salt Lake City when a colleague of hers, who rides his bike sometimes in the same park, came up to say hi. She thought how nice, and maybe he was interested in her because he has stopped and walked his bike next to her at other times too. As they proceed to walk up the path every step that Skywalker takes she is farting! I mean every single step! She didn’t know what to do either. The first couple of times she thought he possibly may not have heard the farts so she said nothing but when they continue to erupt she finally had to say something so she quietly squeaked out, “excuse me.” At which point the gentleman pedaled away after politely excusing himself. Skywalker had no idea whether he had heard her eruptions or not but he did hear the apology. She even tried to disguise the farting by scuffing her sneakers on the cement, hoping that the sound would be, assumedly, her sneakers.
After this tale and great laughter we decided that pretending that it just isn’t happening is the best choice.
Disclaimer: to my customers every time I may be louder than usual or I burst out into laughter does not necessarily indicate that I have farted!
I was telling my sister my concerns because, and forgive me my dear customers for this upcoming confession, I will be talking at work and oops what just happened?! I will probably talk a little louder than usual, or I’ll erupt in a blowout laugh in order to cover up, and the hopes of pretending that it didn’t happen. I don’t say excuse me because what if they never heard it, and I’m confessing an embarrassing moment when in actuality no one may even have heard it. Now, they are never silent, and I may be deluding myself , but I believe that they have no aroma.
So anyway I’m talking to my sister about my quandry as to what I should do: excuse myself or pretend it didn’t happen when she relays this next story to me. Now let me make it clear that my sister does not want me to write what I’m about to so I will change her name to protect her identity. I will refer to my sister as Skywalker (a wink goes to my sister). So I tell Skywalker this and she tells me that she has the same problem. She was walking in Memory Grove, a great park located in downtown Salt Lake City when a colleague of hers, who rides his bike sometimes in the same park, came up to say hi. She thought how nice, and maybe he was interested in her because he has stopped and walked his bike next to her at other times too. As they proceed to walk up the path every step that Skywalker takes she is farting! I mean every single step! She didn’t know what to do either. The first couple of times she thought he possibly may not have heard the farts so she said nothing but when they continue to erupt she finally had to say something so she quietly squeaked out, “excuse me.” At which point the gentleman pedaled away after politely excusing himself. Skywalker had no idea whether he had heard her eruptions or not but he did hear the apology. She even tried to disguise the farting by scuffing her sneakers on the cement, hoping that the sound would be, assumedly, her sneakers.
After this tale and great laughter we decided that pretending that it just isn’t happening is the best choice.
Disclaimer: to my customers every time I may be louder than usual or I burst out into laughter does not necessarily indicate that I have farted!
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