You Can Kill Me Now! (This is dark humor)

So my friend and I were watching TV; the Investigation Discovery Channel. We watched two episodes back to back. In the first episode a 50 year old woman was bludgeoned to death by her husband. She was so severely beaten that the investigators thought that she had been shot in the face with a shotgun. Well the autopsy showed that she had NOT been shot in the face simply severely beaten. When all was said and done the husband was found guilty and his punishment was 5-10 years, and he gets out this year; 2012!

Second episode. A pretty young girl was strangled and raped; she's in her early 20s. Her body was found dead under some bushes. After a year or more of investigation her killer was caught and sentenced to death by lethal injection.

My friend turned to me and said: " So you can kill an ugly old and pretty much get away with it, and hardly serve any time if you do get caught; but if you murder a young and pretty girl you'll get the death penalty." I couldn't help but think that his thinking was soooooo true. Of course I think that if you're 50+ a person should have to serve at the most 30 years since the life expectancy on the average is 80!

How Old ARE You?

I have to admit that I'm tired of being ANY age at all. I think that after a certain age you no longer have an age, and you can do whatever the hell you want. A lot of times I hear my mom on my shoulder saying things like: "don't you think you're a little too old to be wearing that?" or "After this age a woman should no longer have long hair." and "My word cover up your arms and legs those things shouldn't be seen anymore."

Well I'm here to say I am ageless. If anyone asks me how old I am anymore I'm going to say I'm ageless. I can't abide to the rules of what I can and cannot wear, present myself in an appropriate manner based on society's definition. I'm 50, ride a scooter, wear sleeveless tops and dresses, skirts, lots of color, clothes that aren't lose (because I think I look fat in lose clothing), I don't wear makeup that often anymore, I wear high heels, etc. All because that is part of who I am! I don't wear the stuff I do or ride a scooter because I want to appear younger, or older, or whatever but I do it because I want to; plane and simple. I don't give a rat's ass when I take my motorcycle helmet off and people are shocked to see a granny underneath. I don't care! I don't care if I wear a dress that is cool, comfy, and possibly viewed as provocative because I like it, I like the way it looks on me, and I want to be who I am, and express myself accordingly through my clothing etc.

My motto: If You Don't Like What You See Look Away!

Seriously!

I'm sure you've all seen those ads for lengthening eyelashes stuff, and if you haven't; well you don't watch much TV, and good for you. TV is my vice of choice, and I LOVE watching it. It takes my mind off of getting old.

Anyway they show a woman who's attractive, and she's bitching about not having enough lashes after 40. Wha, wha, what? Are you kidding me? That's what she's worried about? She's not worried about starvation in the US, her financial prognosis for when she retires, the failing US school system, the US political system being bought and sold to the highest bidder, her parents who are not looking as healthy as they could and may need to come and live with her, her liver going bad because she drank too much in college? No, she's worried about not having enough lashes.

Now, if you re-watch the the link I've put in the first line; listen to all the side effects you could have. NowTHOSE are some real worries. The color of your Iris can turn brown, and will most likely be permanent (good bye big blues), you can have eye pressure problems, redness, and itchy eyes etc. Yup, I'll do me some of that eyelash stuff. I'll look perpetually tired, feel like I have allergies all the time but by damn I'll have long full lashes, and all the money I could have put into a good cause be damned!

It Is All In the Mind

This is what I think I look like as I'm out and about. And THEN....

 

 
I look in the mirror and THIS is what I THINK I see! Man, getting older isn't pleasant on the mind. I can only wish for Alzheimer's!

"Depends"...SEXY?!

Oh my. The advertising community has finally done it. They've crossed over the line as to what is sexy.

I ask you can Depends underwear actually BE sexy? Seriously. What on earth is this? They're advertising that Depends comes in colors now. Who gives a crap (no pun intended)? If you're going to pee yourself or otherwise who cares what color you do it in? Can you really feel sexier if you're sitting in your own pee if the diaper you have on is a pretty color?

I guess what got me is this woman, who is of a certain age, and attractive; is walking down a sidewalk, she has on a conservative light gray suit on, her hair is chin length (the appropriate length for women of a certain age), there is a breeze blowing her hair back in such a way that you are reminded of Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, and she (the woman of a certain age) flings it back with a wave of her head; like it could EVER be in her face. Then the camera follows her down the sidewalk from behind. YUCK!!!!!! The viewer knowing she could have pee is simply grossed out! Pee is NOT sexy....I repeat Pee is NOT sexy; color or not, breeze in hair etc. Pee is NOT sexy!

I tried to embed the commercial into this blog but they wouldn't let me so here's the image I got instead....pretty huh (really pretty colors too)?

Lingerie Department

Have you ever noticed that the women who work in the lingerie department are older? Start noticing. They are wearing their reasonable shoes that are worn down especially on one heel, and they actually limp a little.
They have the sweetest temperament ever but you won't ask them any questions because you feel like your asking your grandma for sexy under clothing. Can you imagine? "Hey, grandma I would like to find a bra that will give me cleavage?"

Then, if you go to Victoria's Secret you get a bunch of 20 year olds that you feel like you're asking your daughter or niece for sexy clothing. Same thing: "So, little one, what do you think will help me turn your dad on?" REALLY?!

What an awkward thing. Too young and too old. Can't we get a lingerie store that caters to the in-between age? It is rare to see a sales person selling lingerie that is between the age of 40-60. Where are they? Is this age suffering from low sex drive, hot flashes and can't think of wearing anything, or have they just given up on trying to look sexy with their clothes off?

What Happened to the Good Old Days?

Oh man. I'd really like to know what happened to the good old days when all I had to do before I went to bed was brush my teeth and wash my face, and in the morning just plain take a shower and wash my face while showering.

Now, at night I have to put on a white lab coat in order to pre-wash my face, wash my face, mist with hydra something or other, then put on a serum of some kind, and then finish with a moisturizer!!!! OMG!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!! And the answer is yes, seriously. Plus after all that I still get pimples and wrinkles. I can only pray they are fewer but I'm too afraid to stop the routine to find out. I'm afraid if I stop my face will slide off my skull like in a Steven Spielberg horror flick.

Now let's talk about the morning routine. It varies no lab coat because I do most of it before, during, and directly following my shower. Don't go there...seriously don't even think about my nakedness. It will scare you to death. It does me every single solitary morning. Okay, pre-wash my face, get in the shower, rinse, facial scrub (only every 3 days), rinse, wash my face, rinse, and then apply a microfoliant (really don't know what that is I'm just supposed to use it), get out, put on a vitamin mask for  15 minutes (once a week), rinse, hydra mist, and then moisturize! Again, seriously!!!!!!